Often times when people hear the word discipline they think about a parent giving their child a spanking or punishing their child in some way or form. Now, don’t get me wrong I had my share of spankings when I was child. I however want to focus on another definition of discipline. Discipline is also a regimen that develops or improves a skill. In so many words, discipline is training someone in the way they should go.
My father was in the Air Force before I was born and his father was a Marine. As you can probably imagine my dad learned a lot about regimen as a child and later as an adult in the Air Force. I can still remember some of the stories my dad use to tell me about how my Grandfather disciplined him physically and how my Grandfather created a regimen for my dad and his siblings to follow. Even today when I visit my Grandfather I can still tell he hates it when you break his routine. His routine actually makes him feel comfortable and in control of what’s going on around him.
The problem isn’t that we don’t have routines, but that we have routines that we created on accident. Routines are nothing more, nothing less than habits that we’ve grown accustomed to over the years. Unfortunately, many of us have developed bad habits and that’s why we’re in the position we are now. There’s so much power in creating good habits that I think we should focus on teaching our children the importance of habit.
As a matter of fact, I was watching a video about how they trained new enlistees and it stated that they have to break the new soldier’s natural habit to run away from danger and instead teach him or her to run towards danger. Creating this type of habit is more so a function of disciplining the mind than the body. Remember, the mind is more powerful than the body and the therefore the body will do whatever the mind tells it to do.
While I never did join the military, I was raised with military principals and disciplining the mind was probably one of the most consistently taught principals that my dad taught me and my siblings. My dad has always been a big sports fan and football is his favorite sport. My brother and I started playing football around the age of 6 and I can’t begin to tell you how much discipline I learned from playing the game of football. The discipline I missed out on from not joining the military, I got from playing football for over 20yrs.
There’s far too many youth in this generation that are living life well below their potential. It’s almost like average has become the new great. Every time I turnaround it seems like the standard for success is being lowered. Success is nothing more, nothing less than maximizing out your potential and you can’t do that without a great deal of discipline.
I still don’t think I can hold a candle to the amount of discipline my father has, but then again I never joined the military. I have the utmost respect for those who have served our Country and what it has done for them and their families. I know the Tyus’ family is what it is today because of the men that have served our Country and came back home to serve their families. So on today I salute my Grandfather, my dad and all my uncles’ that showed the discipline to serve both their Country and their families
Different parenting philosophies can make it difficult when it comes to raising children.
The other day I was reading about a couple who couldn’t come to a consensus about raising their child. Sometimes there might be minor differences, but as I continued to read the article, I realized this couple had major differences. One parent felt that they should always praise their child, and that it’s alright for their child to feel that he is the best at everything. While I have always praised my children when it was warranted, constantly praising them for everything could give them false sense of greatness. We must be careful not to give our youth a false sense of greatness because they will eventually begin to view average as greatness. Children and young adults will never reach their full potential if average is viewed as greatness.
The other parent in the story felt that their child should not feel entitled, to the point of putting others down because he thinks that he is better than everyone else. The couple’s child is 9 years old and has been expelled from school more than once. The 9yr old also struggles with making friends. There are only a few children in the entire school who want to play with him. The well-meaning parents’ have raised an elitist child who probably doesn’t even think there’s anything wrong with the way he’s behaving.
There has to be consensus between the parents, and in those few times when you are not, your children need not know. This is a time when you discuss the situation behind closed doors. It is very important that children see their parents’ as a united front. As parents’ we will without a doubt make many mistakes while raising our children. We must work together however to rectify those mistakes and make adjustments where we see needed based upon our children’s’ behavior. There is no one size fits all method for raising children. It is a trial and error process that must be constantly accessed for its effectiveness or lack thereof.
In raising and building children of character, it is important that we acknowledge their efforts and their conquest. At the same time they need to be taught humanity towards others. Allowing your child to feel entitled and better than everyone else, will only create problems for them and a huge disservice to them.
The more we expose our children to the importance of serving others through volunteering and other avenues builds character. They will learn that it’s not all about them and will in turn develop a healthy level of self-respect for themselves and others. It serves as a way for your child to witness what it feels like to think about others.
I’ve been playing sports since the age of 6yrs old and my father was my coach until I went to high school. There are numerous benefits of having your father as your coach when you play little league sports, but I’m not sure I experienced all the benefits that people think I might have. Sure my dad loved me and wanted me to be the star on the team, but he never allowed me to shine at the expense of the team. Actually, I think my father was harder on me and my brother than he was on the other athletes’ on the team. My dad set a high standard for me and my siblings and that standard was never lowered when we played sports.
Now, with three children of my own I’ve had the distinct privilege to coach my three boys in some of the sports they’ve enjoyed playing. I too like my father set high standards for my children to adhere to in every aspect of their life. However, my high standards and fiery personality has caused tension between my children and me in the past. I can still remember a time or two or three or four when I caused my children to cry during one of their competitions. I didn’t intentionally make them cry, but my emotions got ahold of me when they made a mistake that hurt the team. I know this has happened to the best of us once or twice in our past and the majority of us regret our behavior. Being a coach is hard enough, but being a coach and a father at the same time can prove to be a very difficult job. Despite the difficulty of being a father and coach, I continue to look for ways to play both roles at an exceptional level.
One day a few years ago I found myself in the presence of a father who coached and trained his two sons until they played in the NFL. I sat down with him and began to discuss various different coaching and motivation techniques. After about 20-30min of talking I was about to say goodbye and walk out when the most important question popped into my mind. I looked the coach in the eyes as if I was about to ask him a million dollar question and said, “How do you juggle being a father and a coach.” He smiled at me as if he was proud of the question I just asked and said, “Always be a father first and a coach second.” His words were simple yet profound. I stood there paralyzed by a concept that I had overlooked for years. The coach went on to explain that after games he would just smile at his boys and tell them good game and ask them how they felt. He never critiqued them without them first asking for critique. He critiqued them more when they were younger, but when they became teenagers and started playing in high school he stepped back and allowed them to come to him for guidance.
I must say that I’ve tried my best to put the principals I learned from coach into effect with my children, but it has not been easy. I want and expect the best from them and sometimes I get lost in the moment. However, I’ve learned that no matter how great my children are at sports; I can only be there coach for a small time period, but they will be my children forever. I would rather have a poor athlete and a great relationship with my sons’ than have a great athlete and a poor relationship. At the end of the day all of our decisions are based on competing values. You must decide with every decision you make what holds a higher value for you. It has taken me some time, but I now value my relationship as a father with my children over my relationship as a coach to them. What about you? Have you ever struggled with the coach/father balance? I would love to hear your story and some of the lessons you’ve learned along the way.
Now, let me be the first to say that I’ve never agreed with athletes’ showboating and bringing all the attention to themselves. However, I have always been a huge fan of Muhammad Ali. Ali had a way with words and a level of charisma that was so contagious that you couldn’t deny it. He had arguably the greatest boxing career of anyone that ever lived. Ali was also one of the most recognizable athletes’ besides Michael Jordan.
In this day in age arrogance and grandstanding is a social norm. Professional athletes’ are almost expected to showboat and “talk trash.” However, Ali was one of the first to do it and perhaps the best to do it. While Ali sung his own praise, there one some that loved him and there were some that hated him for it. Ali never let what others thought about him affect what he thought about himself.
The athletes’ today sing their own praise and showboat in front of the camera because they know that the more popular they get, the more endorsements they will get. Athletes’ know that their careers won’t last forever and so the key is to make as much money outside of your perspective sport as possible. While I don’t particularly like athletes’ showboating, I do understand their theory behind it as it relates to their financial security and their overall brand.
I believe however that Muhammad Ali sung his own praise and showboated for an entirely different reason. There were very few if any opportunities to build a brand through T.V. commercials or radio. Social media was nonexistent and going viral meant people were talking about you in their homes and in local bars. So, why exactly did Muhammad Ali sing his own praises so much? I think only he could tell you the real reason, but I have a theory as to perhaps one of the reasons. Ali believed in the power of affirmations.
Muhammad Ali was quoted as saying, “It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen.” Of course Ali had great talent, but I believe that it was his ability to affirm himself that lead him to becoming the greatest boxer of all time. Now, let be clear in that you can affirm yourself without being boastful and arrogant. Ali on the other hand chose to do it his way. We can debate his methods, but we can’t debate his results.
Muhammad Ali is a prime example of an athlete who was intrinsically motivated. There’s nothing wrong with an athlete that is motivated by external factors, but athletes’ must develop a quality level of intrinsic motivation if they’re ever going to rise to a level of greatness. You can’t control the outside circumstances that occur in day-to-day life. You can however control your internal disposition. You can’t depend on other people or other things to help you obtain your goals. There will be times when all you have is yourself and you’ll have to encourage yourself.
Ali grew up in a time when there was very little encouragement for a young African American male to succeed at anything in life. Perhaps some people may think that he went to the extreme of affirming himself and others may think he needed to take extreme measures to counteract the extreme negativity. No matter your position, we can all agree that there is power in positive affirmations. Don’t wait for someone to affirm you; affirm yourself.
I have often heard people say,” that child is bad”, and I for one believe that it’s not fair label a child that way.
Young children do not know the difference between right and wrong or the difference of good and bad.
The adults in the children’s lives are responsible for teaching and guiding that child into adults of good and moral character. Mind you this job is not always easy and requires time and patience. Unfortunately there are many children that are growing up without the guidance needed.
I grew up in a household with parents that were always giving back to the community. My father coached little league football, girl’s soccer and softball. My mom was active in the schools serving on the State Parent Teacher Association and Local Parent Teacher Association boards, where my sister, brother and myself attended school. Her belief was she wanted to know and see the environment that her children spend most of their waking hours, and to be of service to promote a healthy, positive environment.
That was not enough for my mom, she also wanted to reach out to the children that did not have someone who had their best interest at heart, so she joined the Foster Care Review Board in our county.
Growing up in this environment of giving back, gave me the desire to be of service to the community as well, and sharing what I have
learned about being a person of good character in all aspects of my life thus far.
There are numerous professional athletes’ that use their time and money to give back to the communities they were raised in. I however believe that we do not have to depend on professional athletes’ alone to give back to our communities. Yes, professional athletes’ have a lot more money than the majority of us, but the giving of time is much more valuable than money. We all are given the same amount of time in each day. It’s what we do with our time that makes the difference in our lives and the children’s lives we come in contact with.
What have you done to give back to your community and the children seeking guidance?
The Golden State Warriors have had one of the most magical seasons in NBA History. The Warriors started the 2015-16 season by winning their first 24 games, which broke the previous best start in NBA history. They also broke the all-time NBA record for wins set bet Michael Jordan and the Chicago Bulls, of which most thought would never be broken.
The Warriors entered the playoffs as the overwhelming favorite to win the NBA Championship. They won their first series against the Houston Rockets in 5 games and their second series against the Trail Blazers in 5 games. However, the Western Conference Finals would prove to be the biggest test of the Warriors NBA Season.
The Oklahoma City Thunder went into Oracle Arena and beat the Golden State Warriors in the first game of the Western Conference Finals. The Warriors rarely lose at home and were beat the first game of the Western Conference Finals. They did however respond in the second game with a win. However, the Warriors traveled to Oklahoma City for two road games that would change the trajectory of the series. The Warriors lost two games in a row for the first time in the 2015-16 season. If the Warriors weren’t shocked, the world absolutely was. Golden State now found themselves in a 3-1 hole that they needed to find a way to climb out of if they had any hopes of winning the 2015-16 NBA Championship that most thought was a forgone conclusion. Very few teams have ever come back from a 3-1 deficit, but the Warriors responded in Game 5 with a home win. Then they had to travel back to Oklahoma City for a pivotal Game 6 win or go home game.
The Warriors were down late in the 4th quarter of Game 6 when I turned the T.V. off almost assured that with the lead and the momentum, the Oklahoma Thunder had just pulled off the biggest upset in NBA History. I awoke the following morning to the news that Klay Thompson and the Warriors pulled off one of the greatest comebacks in NBA History to force a Game 7. Klay Thompson set an NBA record with 11 3-pointers and helped save the Warriors season. His response after he was asked about the record was, “I should have had at least 13 because I missed some wide-open looks early.” The Warriors’ backs were against the ropes and many stopped believing. Golden State on the other hand came out fighting like Warriors and are going home to defend their title.
The Golden State Warriors season couldn’t have been written better and I can’t pass up this opportunity to teach my children and my athletes’ the valuable lesson of competing to the end no matter the odds. There will come a point in all our lives when our backs are against the ropes and we will have to decide to either come out fighting or to throw in the towel. While there are many different ways to teach your children this life principal, I think that the Warriors have given us a very tangible and vivid example that our young athletes’ can easily relate to.
When you sit down with you children tonight or the next time you talk to your athletes, discus with them the journey that the Warriors have taken throughout the season. Remind them that there will be days when they feel like they can’t lose and there will be that day when it feels like the entire world is against them. We must teach our youth how to deal with the ups and downs in life and that it only gets better if we come out giving it our best shot. Klay Thompson and the Warriors didn’t stop shooting. They live by the jump shot and they die by the jump shot. This past Saturday they lived on. On Monday, May 30, 2016 we will find out if they’ll live to shoot again.
Almost everyone who has ever watch football knows without a doubt who Johnny Manziel is. You might even know him better as “Johnny Football.” Johnny Football was the No. 22 overall pick in the 2014 NFL draft and has already been cut by the Cleveland Browns who at one point in time thought he would be the savior for their franchise.
Johnny Manziel was a superstar before he ever set foot on a College Campus. In High School TexAgs which is a Texas A&M University fan website gave Johnny Manziel the nickname “Johnny Football.” Did I mention that he was only a sophomore in High School when the nickname “Johnny Football” started catching fire? Johnny was a 15yr kid who had achieved folk hero status and was already being compared to Hall of Fame quarterbacks such as Brett Favre and Drew Brees. Most 15-16yr old kids have enough stress from school, girl/boy relationships, sports, family and puberty that any added stress would seem like overkill. However, Manziel seemed to handle it well or so we think.
As a college freshman at Texas A&M Johnny Manziel was the first freshman in College football history to win the Heisman Trophy. He was also the first freshman to win the Davey O’Brien National Quarterback Award and the Manning Award. Manziel won every major award in college football his first year out of High School. Can you imagine being an 18-19yr old kid given the nickname “Football” and winning every major award in college football? That’s a lot for anyone let alone someone who isn’t even old enough to drink alcohol yet.
Johnny Manziel may have been riding on easy street on the surface, but I can’t help but wonder if his personal life was on fire all along. Manziel was arrested in 2012 before he was even chosen as Texas A&M’s starting quarterback. He pleaded guilty for failure to identify, and the other two charges were dismissed. At a press conference after the incident, Manziel was quoted as saying, “had to make a lot of changes in life.” The question however, is if he ever made any changes to his personal life and if he was ever held accountable?
Now at the age of 23yrs old Manziel has been in and out of rehab and is facing misdemeanor charges stemming from accusations that he attacked his ex-girlfriend in January. Manziel has been known to party and party hard so much so that his former team Cleveland Browns expressed concern about his pattern of behavior. In Manziel’s rookie season with the Browns his questionable off field behavior spilled over into his job when he flashed his middle finger to the Redskins’ bench during a preseason football game.
When I’m at speaking engagements and during day-to-day activities people ask me all the time, “what happened to Johnny Football.” I wonder however if Manziel has always had some behavior problems that were overlooked and/or overshadowed because of his exceptional athletic ability. We fans have celebrated Manziel’s public victories while he was continually falling victim to his private failures. No, I don’t think we’re to blame for his troubles, but I do think that coaches, fans and teammates play an important role in the rise and fall of athletes’ on and off the field. Johnny Manziel has failed himself and we stood by and watched him do it because we enjoyed watching him play more than watching him grow.
On Mother’s day, I saw a article in the newspaper titled “Mama’s Boy”, which caught my attention. Sometimes you hear a single word, or question that automatically gives you food for thought. That’s what happened to Rashan Gary’s mother . Rashan Gary is the class of 2016’s No. 1 Football recruit in the nation.
When Rashan’s sixth-grade teacher inquired about what his other interest were outside of school, it got Rashan’s mother thinking. Rashan’s mom decided to sign him up for football.
At that point the seed was planted, from there Rashan informed his mother that he wanted to be on the swim team also, and he taught himself how to swim, with You Tube videos. With Rashan’s love for football, and his hard work ethic, he consistently improved. Rashan was not the only person working hard to help him get to the next level; his mother made the sacrifice of getting him trainers and getting him to workouts. She also knew that she wanted him in a high school that would afford him a good academic culture and football guidance. The school that could make this happen, would turn out to be 45 minutes from their home.
Rashan excelled in the classroom and on the field, and it’s that type of hard work and support that has brought him to where he is today. Rashan says his mom keeps him humble, alone with his family. As he studied for his finals, he could hear his mother saying, “if you are going to do something, do it well.”
I remember all the things I did to become a better athlete, from sit ups to pulling tires uphill. My parents always supported me. My dad would make sure we had the proper equipment needed for whatever sport we were participating in. My mom and dad would always make sure that they were there to support us. My sister, brother and myself knew that our school work came first , and that we were expected to do and act our best always. My mom was active in our schools, as P.T.A. president and classroom mom, among other things. It was her way of letting us know that she cared and wanted to do her part in making sure we were getting the best education possible.
My parents instilled in my brother, sister and I that if you put in the hard work, then you will see the benefits.
The three of us found this to be true in all aspects of life. My sister played collegiate basketball, and my brother and myself played collegiate football. We continue to put in the hard work on our jobs, raising our children, and giving back to the community.
When given the opportunity to make an impact in a child’s life we should seize the moment, as a parent, teacher, coach, family member or friend. My mom would say that when she was growing-up the neighbors would keep the children in check, if their parent was not outside. We still need to do our part in whatever and however we can to help in raising children of good character.
Recently I was reading an article about Braden Holtby, a goalie for the Washington Capitals. Holtby was beat in overtime to end game 4 and was visibly upset as he left the ice after the game. Holtby is widely considered one of the best goalies in hockey and it became apparent that he was in a funk. There are a lot of pressure positions in sports and in hockey goaltending is the pressure position because the goaltender is the last person to defend the goal.
Goaltending, like life has a lot of peaks and valleys. Both the peaks and the valleys can be difficult to cope with. Often time’s people assume that the peaks of life are the easy part when in actuality they can be difficult as well. Learning how to handle success is just as important as learning how to handle failure. After all, it’s the overcoming of failure that prepares you for success. Failure makes you stronger and hungrier to chase success with a renewed passion. Braden Holtby has experienced much success in his career, but on this night he was dealing with the failure of allowing a goal in an important overtime game.
Although Holtby has been very successful throughout his career, he was in dire need of some motivation following the game. There’s numerous ways that coaches can approach a situation such as this, but I especially like the way Holtby’s goalie coach approached it. Coach Mitch Korn told Holtby to just trust the game. Coach Korn was trying to explain to Holtby that he needs to learn to control what he can control and let go of what he can’t control. Holtby’s comments after the game shed a little light on his mindset. Holtby said, “Just with the way the games have been going in this series, just the weird bounces, sometimes it feels the game is against you.” Have you ever felt that way or heard your child say that they feel like life is against them? I’m sure we all have at some point in our life. We must be careful not to allow this thought pattern become a habit. After the motivational talk from Coach Korn, Holtby had an entirely different mindset. Holtby said, “It’s just focusing on making sure you have to play the percentages, play your game and control the controllable is what you want to do.”
Controlling the controllable is not just a sports principle, but a life principle. There will always be easy days and hard days. Are job isn’t to judge what type of day we’re having, but to find the silver lining in every opportunity throughout the day. We must remember that it’s not what happens to you, but how you respond to what happens to you that makes all the difference. Focus on controlling what you can control and allow everything else to roll off your back.
I was reading the newspaper the other day and there was an article in the education section that I found interesting. The piece was titled “Building Character Playgrounds”. The elementary school’s theme for the year was “Big World Recess”, and one of their missions was to raise money for playground improvements. The students ran laps as part of a Boosterthon Fun Run and collected $22.000 in pledges, and reached their pledge mark of $15.000. The elementary school has a banner in their gym, that says,” I make a difference at South when I work to Be Safe, Be Respectful, Be Responsible.”
The students’ also studied Character Building in regards to the different Character Traits a person can have.
This elementary school has taken the initiative to include character building in their quest to educate their students. I strongly believe that all of our educational institutions, starting with elementary schools,
should include character building as part of their curriculum. Teaching character education can improve academics and help with the prevention of bullying. I believe this will make it possible for our children to grow up to be adults who interact with other students, teachers, coaches, etc. in a responsible and respectful way.
There are many ways to incorporate character development in our schools. When I was in middle
school, a Peer Mediation Program was formed. This program had students act as mediators and Adult Program Directors. The Student Mediators, jobs was to hear the problem that was brought to them and work with the students that were involved to find a common resolution to the problem. Looking back, this was a great learning experience that empowered the students and taught them how to be responsible leaders.
There are numerous ways we can equip our youth with the character traits needed to make a meaningful difference in the world. However, it is very important that we don’t wait until our children are in trouble to start focusing on building their character. As parents we must make the effort to find ways for our young children to be introduced to other children in organized group settings that foster good peer communication. Your child will learn to be comfortable in the setting and begin to broaden their social skills which is a key prerequisite for developing good character traits.
Please share your thoughts . . .