While watching one of my favorite T.V. shows, the host had a group of people on the show to share their story of how they had reached their goal of living their dream life.
One of the guest on the show stated that every day their father would ask his children what had they failed at during that day. The guest on the show replied, nothing Dad. I was ready to hear her father reply with words of excitement and pride, instead her father informed her that he was disappointed. At this point I had to rewind the show, because I knew that my hearing had failed me. Just the contrary he indeed had told his daughter that he was disappointed with her.
The guest stated her father felt that if a person had not failed at anything in an entire day, then they had not challenged themselves or tried doing something that was not in their comfort zone. His statement was very profound for me, and very revealing.
We must teach and show our children that they should always find ways to challenge themselves to explore and expand their mind. When they do this they learn that everything does not come easily and they will be disappointed with themselves and others. But guess what, that’s also ok. These feelings of disappointment, fear, sadness and sometimes anger are all feelings that we must go through. Let’s call it medicine for our soul and well-being.
We all have a gift that lies inside of us and we must live outside our comfort zone to reach it.
I remember my mom telling my siblings and myself that when she was growing up my grandmother would have her walk to the neighborhood store; mind you the store was just up the street. My mom said that she would cry and could not understand why she was made to go, see my grandmother knew that my mom was very shy and afraid of being around people she did not know and if she allowed my mom to stay right under her all the time, she would not reach her potential, or find her gifts and passions in life.
Are we as parents sitting down with our children at the dinner table having a conversation with them or just asking them the routine questions, “how was your day”?, or “did you have a good day”?
If your children grow up hearing about your fears, and concerns then they will know that it is ok to have these feelings and thoughts.
It’s time we give our children breathing room. They can’t expect to ace every test or always be the starter on the team. We should use the small failures to encourage them and to let them know that as long as they keep working and studying and practicing and doing their best that they are doing exactly what they are supposed to be doing and that is the definition of a winner.
So now if your child tells you they failed at something, it’s ok, because we now know that means they are exploring and trying new things and one day they can say I am living my dream and using my gifts. We are all uniquely made.
To be caught up in the moment means to be so absorbed in what you’re feeling that you lose your sense of rational thinking and do something that you will regret later. I don’t know about you, but I can think about quite a few instances when I’ve been caught up in the moment. As a matter of fact, it’s something that most people have done at least once in their lives. However, some people’s consequences have been worse than others. I know the last time I got caught up in the moment was when I was pursuing a running back that was headed towards the sideline. He was able to get out of bounds a few steps before I could get to him, but I hit him anyway. I knew he was out of bounds, but I was caught up in the moment. I can’t remember exactly what was going through my head, but I know we were losing the game and I was frustrated with the overall outcome of our season. I ended up getting a 15yd penalty for that offense and my coach subsequently took me off the field. A 15yrd penalty is a big consequence on the football field because it can drastically change the momentum of the game. However, I was just thankful I didn’t get ejected the game.
Paul George however was ejected from his game against the Chicago Bulls after he accidentally kicked the basketball into the face of a fan sitting in the stands. Paul George’s team was up by 20 points and it appeared that George was attempting to kick the basketball at the basket stanchion. He missed the basket stanchion totally and hit a fan directly in the face. He immediately went to apologize to the fan and gave her a hug. Reporters spoke to George’s coach Nate McMillan after the game. McMillan said, “Emotions took over in that situation, and he knows that’s something he can’t do. That’s an immediate ejection.” I watched the play myself and it didn’t appear that there was in malice intended when George kicked the ball and he didn’t appear to be irate whatsoever. His emotion did however take control of him and an honest mistake led to an unfavorable consequence for him and his team. His team did go on to win the game, but it could have ended differently.
This blog is in no way intended to bash or put down Paul George. I like Paul George and from what I’ve seen and heard, he seems like an Athlete Of Character on the court. This is however a great example of how a person who usually keeps their emotions in check can still lose them in the heat of the moment. It only takes one moment for you to do something that can forever change your life.
Now, I know we can’t prepare for everything that may or may not happen. Still, we need to use every opportunity in little league and high school sports to teach our young athletes to stay under control and not get caught up in the moment. The consequences at the little league level are minute, but the consequences grow in terms of severity as they get older. I’m a firm believer that it’s better to be proactive than to be reactive.
One of the best ways to teach our young athletes not to get caught up in the moment is by teaching by example. Although most of us are no longer athletes, we still teach our children and players how to act by what we do in our everyday life. Are you a person who is typically under control or are you the one that’s always caught up in the moment?
I lived in Cincinnati, OH when I first started playing football at the age of 6. Ohio is a football state and we love our football. We played and watched football every chance we got. The Cincinnati Bengals were the home town team and we rooted for them like our lives depended on it. Ickey Woods was the star running back for the Bengals from 1988-1991. Injuries cut his career short, but he is still one of the most remembered running backs of all time. He is best remembered for his “Ickey Shuffle” end zone dance. After Woods would score a touchdown he would do a personalized dance in the end zone that he called the “Ickey Shuffle.” The “Ickey Shuffle” was one of the first end zone celebrations by athletes. The “Ickey Shuffle” caused the NFL to create a rule designating it (and similar celebrations) as “Excessive Celebration” and subject to penalty against the player’s team. The NFL considered banning the dance, but after further investigation, it was not banned. Woods only played in the NFL for 4yrs and yet is one of the most recognized names in pro football. It’s been over 20yrs since Woods has played and yet he’s still doing T.V. commercials because of his popularity. Is his continued popularity due to his athletic ability or his showmanship?
Even though my father was raised in OH for most of his life, he loved Detroit Lions Running Back Barry Sanders. My dad especially loved how Sanders would score a touchdown and immediately give the ball to the referee without any celebration whatsoever. He would tell me that I needed to have the same humility as Sanders and carry myself in such a way as to never show arrogance. Barry Sanders is arguably the best running back of all time and he is widely popular because of that. However, he never did much advertisement and many believe it was due to his modesty.
I have long agreed with my dad as it relates to not being and not raising arrogant athletes’. However, I’ve also come to understand that sports are entertainment and people watch to be entertained. People like to be entertained by great athletic prowess, but they also enjoy watching athletes’ put on a show. With the growth of social media and the continued media frenzy it has become even more important for athletes’ to realize that they are a personal brand and they must market themselves that way. An athlete can face a career ending injury in sports on any given day and all they’ll have left is their personal brand. Don’t get me wrong; athletes should be able to fall back on their education and seek employment like the rest of us. However, the fact of the matter is that many athletes never paid attention or put forth much effort in school.
Therefore, I’ve come to the realization that some athletes aren’t necessarily showboating, but their promoting their personal brand. They understand that they can only play sports for so long, but the media will allow their legacy to live on forever. Michael Jordan may be an anomaly, but he and many other athletes have had longer more prosperous careers more so due to their personal brands than due to their playing careers.
Where does this leave our young athletes? Are young athletes are not trying to promote themselves at the little league or middle school level. They are however starting to showboat more and more. Perhaps their showboating is a learned behavior from watching the professional athletes does it on a weekly basis. How do we explain the difference between promoting oneself versus showboating? Is there a difference?
Two time national champion Gracie Gold finished fifth at Skate America and raised eyebrows when she said, “You don’t often see — there aren’t that many — you just don’t see overweight figure skaters for a reason.” She went on to elaborate upon her initial statement, but most of the focus has been on her “overweight” comment. She was fresh off the ice when she was asked about her performance and quite possibly made her statement in the heat of the moment.
The following morning however, she clarified what she meant by her “overweight” comments. She stated, “To all my fans and friends. Thank you for the concern you have voiced. My comments in the mixed zone were spoken in the heat of the emotion. To clarify, I feel that my results this far in the season are a result of my decision to live a more ‘normal life’ this past summer. I traveled and really took time off from being an elite athlete. For a figure skater, there is an ideal body weight for top performance. It’s different for each athlete. That doesn’t mean scary skinny, but rather a lean, wiry composition. I realize that I am a healthy weight and I am rapidly regaining the strength and tone I desire . . . “
Athletes’ throughout the world struggle with their weight and many have an unhealthy view of themselves. I think that it’s great that Gracie Gold clarified herself and made it known that she doesn’t have an unhealthy view of her body. However, there are millions of athletes’ both youth and adults who struggle with trying to find the ideal body type to be considered elite in their particular sport. I totally understand the importance of being in peak performance shape so that your body can perform to the level you desire. There is undoubtedly a fine line between trying to develop an elite physique and having an unhealthy view of your body.
It’s very important that coaches and parents alike help our youth athletes understand what it takes to develop an elite physique that allows them to perform at an elite level. However, we must also help them know where to draw the line. An athlete should never put their physical health in jeopardy at the expense of winning a gold medal or a championship trophy. Sports should help athletes develop a healthy and fit lifestyle and not a lifestyle that is so rigorous that it causes them to fall into depression.
Gold referred to her time off from rigorous training as “living a normal life.” Now let’s be honest, to be elite in anything is going to require you to live, eat and train differently than the normal person. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with living, eating and training at a different level than the average person. In all actuality you can’t rise above the rest without having a lifestyle that rises above the rest. Sometimes it’s hard for an athlete to judge when they’ve gone too far and that’s when the coach, parents and loved ones have to step in to make sure the athlete doesn’t take it too far.
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Penn State football kicker Joey Julius was absent from his team during spring football of 2016 and throughout the summer. Many people didn’t know why he was absent from the team and initially Julius was apprehensive to say why. Now, however Julius has come forward and stated that he was absent from the team because he was admitted into the McCallum place on May 9th for an eating disorder.
Julius stated that Penn State team physicians started to notice an increase in his weight. In addition to an increase in his weight, team physicians noticed that Julius had become depressed and was suffering from anxiety. The coaches and team physicians immediately began to seek help for Julius which resulted in him being admitted into the McCallum place where he was officially diagnosed with Binge-Eating Disorder. A binge eating disorder is when someone loses control over their food intake and begins to eat large amounts of food at one time, even if they aren’t hungry. Julius stated that he believes he has suffered from this disorder for the last 11yrs of his life although it was originally believed that he showed signs of bulimia through stints of purging from extreme anxiety.
Julius has not only struggled with extreme anxiety, but he has also struggled with extreme depression. He stated, “I was always calling myself fat, disgusting, lazy and ugly.” We often hear about women who suffer from a binge eating disorder, but we rarely hear about men suffering from this disorder. Julius indicated that he believes that other men struggle with eating disorders but are too ashamed to admit it. Julius stated that he too was one of those guys that was too ashamed to admit he had a problem.
Sports and football specifically have for years taught our athletes to be tough and not to show weakness. I too was one of those coaches and parents who always taught my athletes and children not to ever show weakness. Teaching this mindset has caused many of our athletes to develop into “one of those guys.” However, I now believe that teaching the “no weakness” mindset has more disadvantages that advantages especially at the youth level.
Most youth and even many adult athletes are unable to distinguish between being tough when it calls for being tough and knowing when they need serious help. Whether it’s physical, mental or emotional pain; we can’t continue to teach our athletes to hide it for the sake of being tough.
Julius binge eating disorder could have killed him. The concussion epidemic in the NFL, College Football and High School Football is example of athletes hiding physical pain that could eventually lead to death. Additionally, you can’t turn on the radio or T.V without hearing about an athlete struggling with severe depression or some form of anxiety. We must remember that something that’s severe started off small but grew worse because it was never addressed.
Communication is the key. Start having honest and open dialogue with your athletes and children about what struggles they’re having and determine if you can provide the help they need or if they need professional help. Don’t allow machoness and a big ego cause you to turn your athletes and children into “one of those guys” because it could kill them.
By now everyone knows about the terrible storm that has been spreading misery from the Caribbean to the Carolinas. Hurricane Matthew has caused great damage over the last week and even as it heads out to sea, the storm is still causing tremendous problems for the southeastern United States. Much of the destruction however has been in Haiti. It is estimated that Hurricane Matthew has killed at least 600 people since its 145mph winds, torrential rains and floods invaded Haiti. The National Hurricane Center has stated that Matthew is no longer considered a hurricane, but it is still dangerous. This is not the first time our World has experienced natural disasters and it’s also not the first time we have come together to help each other.
There are numerous NFL players who have stepped up to help those affected by Hurricane Matthew. Players have given their time, money and great deal of other things to help alleviate some of the pain. Washington Redskins receiver Pierre Garcon and Baltimore Ravens Linebacker Elvis Dumervil are first- generation Haitian-Americans who have been giving back to Haiti well before Hurricane Matthew and have continued to do so. Dumervil leads 58 Homes For Haiti that help shelter more than 1,000 people. The number of new homes matches his jersey number (58). He’s not just building any type of homes; he’s building concrete homes. Most homes in Haiti are not built to withstand hurricanes and earthquakes, but concrete homes are. Garcon and Dumervil’s giving often times goes unseen, but like the 145mph winds of Hurricane Matthew it can change an entire nation.
While it’s great to see athletes giving during tragedy, it’s important that we teach our young athletes’ the importance of giving at a young age and when there’s not a nationally recognized tragedy. Giving is a habit that can be taught and encouraged. I don’t know Garcon or Dumervil personally but I’m convinced that they didn’t start giving back to their family, friends and community when they became NFL stars. I’m sure that the power of giving was taught to them at a young age and it was nurtured throughout their lives. It is imperative that we teach our young athletes how to give and the importance of giving. I must stress that giving does not have to come in the form of money or material things. We can give our time, knowledge and a multitude of other things.
It was the unseen winds of Hurricane Matthew that brought pain and misery to the Caribbean and Carolinas. However, we must recognize and highlight the power of unseen giving. While 145mph winds can destroy, genuine giving can give life. Give in silence and don’t let your left hand know what your right hand does. Remember, it is better to give than to receive. It is in giving that we can rebuild a nation and come closer to each other. Football is just a game and it is a game that I love very much. However, by giving these athletes’ have become bigger than the game.
Take time at your next sports practice and talk about the importance of giving to others and challenge your athletes to take time out of the week to give to someone in need. It can be something as simple as carrying someone’s groceries for them or cutting their grass to save them time and energy. There is a multitude of ways to show you care, but there is only one way to change lives; by taking action.
Please take time this week to give to Haiti and everyone else affected by Hurricane Matthew.
Throughout my 35yrs on this earth I can’t remember a time when there wasn’t a major emphasis placed on winning. You probably assume I’m just talking about sports, but I’m talking about so much more than sports. Winning is emphasized in schools, jobs and even between groups of friends. You can’t turn on the T.V. or radio without hearing about a new way of placing a bet on something or another. Learning how to compete to win has a multitude of advantages, but do the advantages always outweigh the disadvantages? I think the only way the advantages outweigh the disadvantages is if there’s true growth during the process of winning. Everything changes, but not everything grows. If you win, but do not grow then you haven’t truly won anything worth having.
All three of my boys play football and have for a number of years. Last year my 11yr old played on a team that never lost a game and was only scored on once all year. They won the championship is such an emphatic way that I began to wonder if and how much my son was growing as an athlete and person during the journey to the championship. It was a very exciting season for him, his teammates and his family members. There were very few down moments and little to nothing to correct throughout the season. The lack of correction wasn’t due to perfection but due to the fact that the winning overshadowed those things that needed to be corrected.
This year my 11yr old son’s team isn’t having such an easy go at it. They’re not the worse team, but they also aren’t the undefeated team. The games that they have loss, they have lost big and there has been plenty of room for correction. As I sit back and review the games in my mind I realize that the biggest corrections haven’t been technique or scheme. The biggest corrections have been effort and character. It’s easy to give your best effort when you’re winning and your teammates and fans or behind you. Effort however should not be determined by the score of a game or someone’s position in life. When you base effort on those things, you are essentially stating that your level of effort is based upon your likelihood of winning. This is a very dangerous mindset to have because it severely stunts your potential for growth. It’s very difficult to work on fixing technique and scheme when effort has fallen below what’s considered acceptable.
That’s exactly what happened in the last game my son played in. The game started off competitive, but as soon as the other team scored I saw our team begin to get a little dejected. They continued to fight, but when the other team scored again things began to unravel. Our team’s effort declined substantially and the players even began to argue with each other. The player’s frustration with each other grew to such high heights that they began to defeat themselves. It’s difficult to win against a good team and even more difficult when you start to self-destruct. The game was considered a blowout, but that’s not what upset me the most. The thing that upset me the most was our athletes’ response to adversity.
Whether our players go on to play pro sports or not, there will come a day when they will have to stop playing sports. There will not however come a day when they won’t face adversity. Yes, we loss the football game, but more importantly we lost in the game called life. All things considered it was not a total loss. We must be careful to never allow losing to overshadow the positive things that occurred during the loss. We will acknowledge the positive and work on those things that will bring growth.
Everyone wants their child to win, but more importantly I want my sons to grow.
There has been much debate throughout the years about what athletes owe their fans. Some believe that athletes just provide mere entertainment, but others believe that athletes are role models. A role model is a person who is looked up to by others as someone to be imitated. There may have been a time when kids looked up to firemen, policemen and maybe politicians. Generally speaking those times are long gone now. Sports stars are now our youth’s object of affection and admiration.
Being looked up to by young kids didn’t seem to bother the sports stars too much at least until Charles Barkley spoke up. In 1993, Charles Barkley said, “I’m not paid to be a role model. I’m paid to wreak havoc on the basketball court.” Barkley was right in many ways. He was right in that the NBA employed him to play basketball and help them win games. Athletes’ could also model their basketball game after him, but not necessarily his behavior off the court. However, it’s difficult to accept your responsibility as an athlete on the court and deny your responsibility to society as a person. I think Barkley was under the impression that star athletes get to choose whether or not they’re role models.
Right, wrong or indifferent, athletes don’t get to choose to be role models; they are chosen. Athletes are paraded in front of the camera all day, every day and their high visibility keeps them constantly on the minds of young children. These young children are not mature enough to separate the athlete from the person. They don’t just look at star athletes and say, “I want to be like them in sports.” They look at star athletes and desire to be like them in every facet. Of course the child’s parent can sit them down and explain to their son or daughter how they should separate the athletes’ athletic skills from who they are as a person. However, that is very difficult to do especially when many star athletes are viewed as superheroes by the children who admire them.
Parents are and should be the main role models in a child’s life, but that’s not always the case. There are so many children that come from broken or abusive homes that sometimes it’s difficult for them to view their parents or guardians as role models. Our youth need someone to look up to and use as a measuring stick to aspire to become better people. I don’t think we can ever stop our children from looking up to star athletes nor do I think we should. We do however need to provide our children with role models on many different levels.
Young athletes should be able to look to their parents, teachers, coaches and mentors as role models in addition to the star athletes. Very few children ever get to meet their childhood sports hero and so that renders them untouchable role models. They are the role models of their dreams. The parents, teachers, coaches and mentors are the role models that the children come in contact with on a consistent basis and therefore should have the most influence over the young athlete.
With that being said, we still can’t let our sports stars off the hook. While they may not choose to be role models, they are by default. It’s important that we teach our young athletes at a very young age that people are and will be continuing to look up to them. By choosing to become a sports star they are also choosing to become a leader. Leaders carry the heavy burden of leading by example in every aspect of their lives. You can’t choose one without the other.
Violence in sports is not something new. It is however gaining more publicity, especially domestic violence. The majority of the stories we read involve male athletes being physically abusive to the females they’re involved with. There have also been reports of females abusing their male counterparts. As of lately there has been a focus on football players and their statistical high rate of being charged with domestic violence.
Football is a very violent sport and perhaps one of the most violent sports we have in the world. Violence is not only good, but encouraged on and around the football field. The most violent athletes’ are typically the most successful and therefore highly sought after. Football can be very chaotic at times and can sometimes seem out of control. When I played it was referred to as “Controlled Chaos.” Coaches teach it, parents condone it and fans applaud it; but what happens when the chaos can no longer been controlled?
Some researchers believe that football players are desensitized to physical violence because it is such a huge part of what they do on a daily basis. It is argued that many athletes’ don’t know how to turn off their aggressive behavior when they leave the field of play. This can and has been very dangerous for the general public. Imagine training an athlete to be bigger, faster, stronger and more aggressive and then releasing him to the general public not knowing if he knows how to control his aggression. That’s scary right? For many women in America this is their daily reality. Unfortunately it has become such a part of some women’s reality that they’ve learned to condone it.
The only thing worse than not teaching an athlete how to control their aggression is them living in an environment where violence used to resolve conflict is condoned. The problem with violence and specifically domestic violence has deeper roots than the football field. There are many athletes who were raised in environments that not only condone violence, but encourage it. Research shows that people who grow up witnessing domestic violence are more likely to commit similar acts of violence than those who don’t grow up witnessing domestic violence.
As you can see, environment plays a huge role in the actions of athletes’. It’s not the only determining factor, but it’s a big piece of the puzzle. I don’t think that the off field violence in sports will be an easy fix, but I do believe that the process of change starts with the youth. It’s imperative that we create an environment for our youth that not only opposes off the field violence, but equips them with tools on how to control their aggression. We do our athletes’ an injustice when we teach them how to be aggressive, but don’t teach when and how not to be aggressive.
We spend so much time and resources to help our athletes’ become successful on the field, but we can’t neglect providing them with the tools they’ll need to be successful in society. Success in society is more important than success in sports.