Recently there was a report about an UFC fighter who was arrested on charges of aggravated assault. According to the report, the fighter is accused of striking a strip club employee in the face with the butt of a handgun.
Allegedly the fighter got into an argument with someone in the strip club and then after leaving the club and returning he was refused entry back into the club. The fighter left a second time and returned with a handgun. He reportedly pointed the gun at a patron and hit an employee with it.
This type of behavior should never be condoned for any reason in any place. However, I can’t help but wonder if the aggressive behavior needed and encouraged in the ring played a part in his behavior outside the ring. There’s a time and place for everything and a fighter must put themselves at a certain place mentally to compete at an elite level.
Athletes’ don’t just wakeup and compete; they spend countless hours behind closed doors preparing both mentally and physically for their specific competition. I’m an avid believer in, “As a man thinkieth, so is he.” The average UFC fighter trains about 30hrs per week on their specific trade. All things considered, that’s roughly 30hrs per week spent in one train of thought. If the average person sleeps 42 hrs per week, then that means a typical fighter only has 96hrs left in the week to focus on a different train of thought! I’m willing to go out on a limb and state that most fighters and other athletes’ spend time outside of their specific practice thinking about their sport.
I am not and would never make excuses for someone who engages in the above-mentioned behavior. I would however like to propose a theory that it is extremely difficult to fluctuate between two frames of mind. All too often we hear about athletes’ in varies different sports who allow their aggressive behavior to fall outside the lines of their sport. Unfortunately, I don’t believe that most athletes’ even realize that the thoughts they persist in will inevitably lead to behavior they may or may not want to occur.
This blog is in no way intended to bash UFC fighting or any other aggressive sports. I however believe coaches and parents need to help our young athletes’ learn how to establish a healthy balance between the aggression needed for certain sports and the compassion needed to be healthy productive citizens in our community. A healthy life is a balanced life. We can’t wait until our young athletes’ are adults to teach them balance; we must start now so that it becomes a way of life for them.
What are your thoughts?
I had the pleasure last week to talk with a young lady about being an athlete, her favorite sport being volleyball. This young lady is one of the key players and starters on the team. In the process of our discussion she informed me that she wished she could quit the team, I was quite surprised, because I knew that she loved playing the game and being on the team.
I asked why she felt this way and she stated that there were important techniques that she had not mastered. This was my opportunity to render some sound advice; I informed her that she is not a failure, and that you only fail if you give up. I explained to her that she needed to continue paying attention and working hard in practice. I already knew that she had a great coach, that is always giving them positive instructions and feedback on how and what they could do to improve their game.
Often people choose to give up and give in to that voice, if we are not successful right away. Unfortunately, we have all heard that voice that says, “Give up, you’re not good enough”, We have to continue to put in the hard work, and commitment in every aspect of our lives, for the rest of our lives. This thought process should be introduced in the early years.
When my children were toddlers and pre-school age, I would play age appropriate games with them. There were times that I could see the frustration on their faces, trying to put the pieces in the puzzle or playing the match card game. I would only have to redirect them with encouraging words, or give them a little help, before they were back on track again. I would never let them quit on a game, because they were losing or just had gotten bored. As a matter of fact I made it a habit to never allow my children to quit anything.
Life is about the choices we make on a daily basis. Initially we make choices based on long thought out decision process, but eventually we make choices out of habit. We have to be careful not to allow our young athletes’ to make poor decisions such as quitting, because it can and will become a habit for them when they become adults.
Habits are easy to create, but difficult to break. Every moment and every decision we make is an opportunity to create a habit that will either set us up for success or failure. Let’s be proactive by creating good habits and not retroactive in trying to break bad habits after they’ve already been established. The first habit we need to help our athletes’ create is the belief system that they have no limits except the ones they create
Let’s teach our young athletes’ to reach higher. They must learn that what they think is UNREACHABLE, is actually ATTAINABLE!
“Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring, and integrity, they think of you.” – H. Jackson Brown Jr.
It has been reported that former NFL defensive end Will Smith died in a shooting and his wife was shot twice, after a traffic incident in which Will Smith’s vehicle was hit in the rear. This is tragic news and these types of violent acts are unacceptable and insensible. We don’t have all the specifics of what exactly happened that night, but we do know it was an act of violence.
I don’t want to get into the details of this specific case, but I do want us to discuss the underlying issue. Will Smith’s tragic death may or may not have been a case of “Road Rage” but we have had an alarming increase in roadside violence. Let’s be honest, accidents happen and the majority of the time they happen because we’re not paying attention while we’re driving.
I for one do not believe that your average mentally stable adult goes from cool calm and collect to a fit of rage within an instant of being in a traffic accident. If we look closer there may be some underlying factors that play a part in the person’s mood prior to them having a fit of rage. There are a lot of different emotions that we experience throughout the day and it’s important that we pay attention to our moods. Yes, sometimes mood swings are unavoidable, but we can always control how long we remain in that temperament.
The Golden Rule is to do onto others as you want others to do onto you. Deep down we all want to be treated with care and kindness. However, we can’t truly care for someone else until we care for ourselves. Perhaps one of the most important things we must do for ourselves is to maintain a healthy temperament. Losing our temper not only hurts others, but it diminishes our integrity. As adults we are expected to be reliable at work, home and in our community.
I don’t know the statistics in regards to how often children are witnesses to “road rage”, but I do know that my children have been in the car with me far too many times when I’ve lost my cool over a simple traffic incident. Our athletes’ don’t just listen to what we say, but they also watch what we do. In fact, often times they mimic what we do more than what we say. It is our actions that resonate with them more so than our words. Don’t get me wrong; most of us will never kill or even fight with someone over a traffic accident. However, it’s the small temper tantrums that build up to the rage that can destroy a life. Life isn’t about how you act in a time of distress, but how you live your life leading up to distressful moments.
You can’t allow one idle moment go by throughout your life where you’re not making purposeful decisions that will develop your character. It only takes one moment for someone to lose their life and our young athletes’ are watching our every move. Be purposeful.
What are your thoughts?
Every year across the country there is a selection process to determine what High School coaches are deserving of being nominated to the Coaches Hall of Fame. I’ve never been a High School coach, but I can imagine what an honor it would be to even be nominated let alone selected to be in the Coaches Hall of Fame.
Part of the consideration for being nominated to the Coaches Hall of Fame is the coaches’ achievements and the coaches’ character both in high school and other levels. Achievements are easy to measure in terms of wins and losses. Character on the other hand is a little more difficult to measure. Sure you can measure character based upon what they do right and what they do wrong. However, I believe character runs deeper than just right and wrong. Character is about choosing what’s good and what’s good for you. Just because something may be good, doesn’t mean that it’s good for the athlete. Unfortunately many coaches neither understand nor live by the principle mentioned above.
If we are to raise student athletes of high character, then we must have coaches of high character coaching. High character is exemplified by coaches who live and coach by principles that make those they coach better people. Coaches are leaders and leaders of great character are more concerned about the growth and development of their followers than wins and losses. As a result, the coaches are more attentive to the athletes’ behaviors than the athletes’ talents. It has however become increasingly more difficult for coaches to focus on character when Athletic Directors, fans and many others are putting constant pressure on the coaches to win games.
Perhaps the focus in youth sports should shift from wins and losses to the personal development of the athlete. Very few athletes’ become professionals and it would stand to reason that coaches should focus on developing their character more so than their talent. Even still, the athletes’ that do become professionals need high character to survive the fast life of being a professional athlete. All too often we turn on the news and hear about another professional athlete going to jail for questionable behavior.
There’s a high standard that must be met for a coach to even be nominated for the Coaches Hall of Fame. Isn’t it time we raise the standard for hiring a coach? Being selected to the Coaches Hall of Fame is a great honor, but helping raise athletes of character is the highest honor. John Wooden, one of the greatest coaches of all time said, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.” Coaches will never be able to totally control wins and losses, but they will always play one of the biggest roles in the personal development of youth.
What are your thoughts?
If you’ve been watching the news as it relates to youth sports then you have undoubtedly heard about the trend of parents suing sports leagues for their child’s lack of playing time. Now, I’ve heard of numerous reasons why people sue, but it seems like suing for lack of playing time is taking it a step too far. First and foremost, it’s difficult to place a specific amount of money on playing time in youth sports. I know every parent in the world thinks or wants their child to be a professional athlete, but statistics show that very few people become professional athletes.
The ultimate goal shouldn’t be to play professionally, but to provide an avenue for children to have fun and to develop character while doing it. Sure, I know every parent wants their child to have as much playing time as possible, but playing time is a reward not a gift. Perhaps it’s a kneejerk reaction, but many leagues are now mandating that each child gets to play a minimum amount of plays. We are treading into dangerous territory when we start giving away things just for participation. Think about it; how many times have you applied for a job and got hired just because you applied? I’m going to assume your answer was never. Now of course a child will never have fun or get better if they’re not given an opportunity to play. That raises the question of when we should transition from giving an athlete playing time to rewarding an athlete with playing time. My father use to always tell me, “You play because you want to until High School and then you play because you’re good enough.” I think that’s an adequate rule to adhere to.
If sports are truly about the kids and not the parents, we need to focus on the things that make them better people. I for one know that sports don’t last forever. Even professional athletes’ know that at some point in time they’ll have to stop playing because their bodies won’t be able to handle the rigorous exercise. We parents will have failed our children if they are ill prepared for life after sports because we were more concerned about their playing time than their character development. Sure, part of our kids having fun is them wanting and getting to play as much as possible. However, it is our job to help our children develop into an athlete that not only wants to play, but deserves to play. In doing so we are preparing our children for the real world; a world where nothing will be given to them because of effort, but earned because of their excellence.
It’s high time for parents to swallow their pride and allow their children to not only have fun, but to learn that you only get out of life what you put into it. What are your thoughts?
I had the pleasure of attending a girl’s middle school volleyball game this week and the teams were separated into Team A and Team B. The teams were unevenly matched, and a family member of mine was on Team A. As I was watching both games I paid close attention to how the two teams conducted themselves. The girls on Team B lost both games by a substantial margin. It was without doubt a long afternoon for them. On the other hand, they WON in character, never giving up or showing any negative behavior. The level of sportsmanship they demonstrated might not have showed up on the scoreboard, but it was evident to all in the gymnasium.
The ladies on Team A won both of their games and also demonstrated good sportsmanship. There was no overt celebration and the ladies handled themselves with class throughout the entirety of both games. However, the most important difference between Team A and Team B was not evident on the scoreboard.
During the two games that the young ladies played, I observed Team A, give each other support and encouragement that allowed them to work together for success. I did not on the other hand observe the same for Team B. The ladies on Team B showed very little support for each other. There were few if any moments throughout the game when they encouraged one another.
As I considered these differences, I had to wonder if the lack of encouragement was a key factor in how the two teams played, and the overall outcome of the games.
Talent has and will always play a major role in the success of a sports team. The more talented team enters the game with a distinct advantage. However, the beauty of sports is that anything can happen once the game begins. Energy is the one factor that can shift the momentum of a game within an instant and there is no energy like enthusiastic encouragement. The benefits of enthusiastic encouragement are not only prevalent in sports, but in all aspects of life.
March Madness is upon us and every College Basketball team in the country is fighting for their basketball lives. Typically the games are played at a neutral site, but sometimes a team gets to play close to their home and the fan support resembles a home game. It is in those games that you can tell that the team with the larger home crowd plays with more purpose. The enthusiastic encouragement from the fans carries over to the players on the court. Yet, you can never replace the energy generated by the team itself on the court and in the locker-room.
It is essential that parents, coaches, teachers and any one that plays a crucial part in a child’s life, stress the importance of working and playing together with encouragement and support.
What are your thoughts?
“To be a great champion you must believe you are the best. If you’re not, pretend you are.” – Muhammad Ali
Muhammad Ali might not have been the first, but he sure was one of the best to portray confidence that many believe crossed over into arrogance. I was always raised to be humble, but throughout the years of playing and watching sports I began to realize that many of the best athletes had a confidence to them that was borderline arrogant. Thus, I began to strive to develop a level of confidence that I believed would help me catapult into the upper echelon of athletes. The up and down roller coaster life of winning and losing in sports almost requires you to develop a mental toughness the exhibits unshakable confidence. The athletes that show a lack of confidence are considered weak and are often preyed upon by the stronger more confident athletes. I would argue that there’s nothing wrong with having a healthy level of confidence, but what if that confidence crosses over into arrogance?
The common perception is that there’s a fine line between being confident and being arrogant. I tend to agree with common perception when one doesn’t know the difference between confidence and arrogance. The main quality of an arrogant person is superiority. Arrogant people tend to focus on comparing themselves to others while viewing them as inferior. Confident people however focus on having a positive optimistic view of themselves. Their focus is on what they can do and not on what they can do compared to what others cannot do. There’s actually a pretty substantial gap between being arrogant and being confident when you consider the definitions.
I can still remember the video footage of Muhammad Ali dancing in the ring as he fought his opponents. Now, with the increase in media attention on sports it doesn’t take much to turn on your T.V. screen and see a professional athlete doing a celebration dance during the game. Cam Newton has recently received a lot of negative publicity because of his outward show of confidence or as some might say arrogance. Is Cam Newton wrong for “dabbing” when he’s excited? Some say he’s having fun and others say he’s being arrogant and showboating. I never had a problem with and really didn’t think much of it until my three boys were competing at the AAU Indoor National Track & Field Championships.
I was sitting in the stands watching the 8yr olds finish there 200m race when the winner came across the finish line and started pounding his chest and “dabbing” while looking into the stands. My initial reaction was to laugh and then I began to wonder what are our professional athletes’ teaching our youth? Is it right to say it’s okay for a professional athlete to celebrate outwardly, but then tell our amateur athletes to be humble? Is it a show of confidence or arrogance?
How Do You Define Success?
Recently I was reading a book about a little league baseball pitcher, and his dream of becoming a major league pitcher. The story follows this little leaguer, whose father is obsessed, and consumed with his son reaching the top.
Alex wants to reach his dreams, but also would like to just enjoy being a teen and hanging out with his friends sometime.
Where is the balance of helping our child in reaching their goals and dreams, without causing damage to our relationship? As parents we have to keep in mind that it is essential that our children know when they do their best that we are proud of them, because that’s all any of us as parents can ask and expect.
There is so much pressure now, for our youth to get in the top schools or to be the best athlete, most popular and more. Pressure can be beneficial or detrimental depending upon how it’s used and how much it’s used. One of the most important aspects of success is balance. I think often times parents’ including myself sometimes get so caught up with helping our children excel in sports that we become more of a coach than a parent. We must remember that we are first and foremost a parent. We were parents before they were athletes and we’ll be parents after they’re done being athletes. It would be a travesty for our children to view us as the greatest coach, but the worse parent. Our number one job is to raise great people, not great athletes. I would rather raise a great son and a poor athlete than raise a great athlete and a poor son. Turn on the news today and you’ll see multiple athletes’ getting in trouble for exhibiting poor behavior. It starts in the household with parents’ building meaningful relationships with their children.
As parents we must remember to tell our children that our love for them is unconditional and that will help them achieve balance between life and sports. Remember, we don’t get what we desire; we get what we focus on. Therefore, our children will emphasize whatever they feel like we focus on most.
Where Do We Draw The Line, and How Do You Define Success?
I can almost remember it like it was yesterday. I was sitting in the Kitchen when I got the call from my dad. My dad had just received news that the Ottawa Renegades of the Canadian Football League were shutting down. I couldn’t believe my ears. A big part of me knew that my dad would never play a mean trick on me like that, but I couldn’t accept what he was telling me. I had just signed my first professional football contract a few weeks before and my wife was already searching for houses in Ottawa. It wasn’t the NFL, but my dreams of being a professional athlete had finally come true . . . or so I thought.
Within moments I was kneeling on the kitchen floor crying and saying to myself, “what am I going to do now.” I had lived and worked my entire life to get to this point and it was snatched right from under me. Sure I got the grades in High School and in College, but that was only so I could play the sport I loved. Now with my sport gone I felt empty inside and less of a person. My parents always taught me that there was more to life than sports and I believed them to a certain degree. However, if there was more to life than sports I didn’t want anything to do with it. I lived and breathed football and at one point it was a big part of who I was, but football eventually became every part of who I was. So, with the loss of football I felt I had loss myself. I wasn’t suicidal, but I felt empty on the inside.
Ronda Rousey on the other hand told Ellen DeGeneres that she was thinking of killing herself moments after her loss to Holly Holm. Rousey indicated that she felt like she was nothing after her loss and that nobody would care about her anymore. Rousey was at the top of her game in her sport and arguably the best ever at what she does until she lost to Holly Holm. I have no doubt that Rousey will recover from her loss and that she will go down in history as one of the best fighters of all time.
What does concern me however is the negative effect that sports can have on the psyche of an athlete. Becoming the best at what you do requires that you invest so much of your time, passion, sweat and tears that it’s almost impossible for the thing you love not to become a part of you. However, I believe the danger comes when an athlete transitions from the sport being a part of who they are to their sport being their identity. We must strive to teach our young athletes that their identity is not found in the sport or in the next success they have. Identity and accomplishments are separate and until our athletes learn to embrace that, we will continue to have athletes whose thoughts go to dark places. Our athletes are more than just athletes and they have more to offer the world than entertainment. We have already lost too many athletes because their thoughts went to dark places. Fortunately for us we didn’t lose Ronda Rousey.
What are your thoughts?
Is The Praise Always Deserving ?
There has been a lot of conversation lately about giving children trophies or medals for participating in sports. There seems to be strong points on both sides of this conversation. I have heard parents and coaches feel that it allows the children to feel good about what they have done.
On the other side of this conversation, parents and coaches ask the question of whether by awarding them in this way , we are sending the message that there is no need or reason to reach higher, or set new goals.
Are we setting them up for disappointments down the road, as they get older and have to start competing for a place on the team? Or consider that they will one day have to interview for a job and they will not receive the job just because they tried hard.
My children have always participated in sports and other extracurricular activities, and praise was given when warranted. I’ve always given them praise for giving their maximum effort. However, I’ve never and never will lead them to believe they deserve a reward for giving their best. Giving your best is the bare minimum in which we all should give. The reward is for winner.
What are your thoughts on this conversation ?