Can encouragement be unkind or unsympathetic? Can you get that team member to play better by cussing and or screaming? And if so, is this really the way we want our children to learn to work hard in order to reach their goal? Whatever their goal is I believe that the captain of the basketball team that I was watching meant no harm, actually after a huge win the captain praised her teammates, she just wanted to get them to the next level and they did. I have to entertain the thought that there are other ways to inspire and compel your teammates, students, children and anyone else, without being unkind.
As parents we should always remember that our behavior, words and tone of voice are teaching our children and guiding them in the way we want them to go.
To say that it is alright to scream, cuss or behave in a negative way is never a positive. Yes, you might get the results you were seeking…. but at what cost? Is winning more important than the behavior you are teaching our youth to exhibit?
Imagine that child growing up thinking that the only way to win is by exhibiting the behavior they’ve always seen their coach and parent exhibit. They have now become a teenager or adult that wonders why their teammates, co-workers, boss, friends and love ones shy away whenever possible. Those of us that are in roles of mentoring, nurturing, guiding and teaching must remember that their eyes and ears are watching and listening. If we exhibit negative behavior, we are teaching negative behavior. This is a huge disservice to our children.
Yes, that superstar on the basketball team got her teammates to the next level in the game. The win was the immediate result, but what about the long-term affect? Is it better to win the game and lose in life or to lose the game and win in life? I am a firm believer that it takes great passion to be successful in life. However, it is important that we don’t allow our passion to get out of control. We must teach our young athletes’ balance.
Many years ago, Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. said, “It’s always the right time to do the right thing.” Those powerful words still ring true today. There was a lot of turmoil going on during the time when Dr. King said those words and I can say we’ve come a long way as a Country since then. We however still have a long way to go in terms of doing the right thing. Perhaps the biggest problem I’ve noticed over the years is that our society, especially our athletes’ lacks the ability to identify what the right thing is.
You can turn on ESPN on any given day and hear about yet another athlete in trouble with the law in some form or fashion. It’s not that these athletes’ have never been taught right from wrong; rather it’s that they have been allowed to live a life where the line between right and wrong is blurred. Unfortunately, many superstar athletes’ are given a pass on their negative behavior because of their exceptional athletic ability. What makes matters worse is that they are given passes at a very young age and grow into adults who expect to receive the same passes that were given in High School and College. There are some athletes’ who lose their special treatment in college and then there are some who lose it when they start their professional careers. It’s never too late to teach our athletes’ how to do the right thing, but it’s much better if we begin teaching them at a young age. The majority of everything we do is the result of habits that we’ve developed over the years.
Dallas Cowboys Rookie Quarterback Dak Prescott is one athlete that has impressed me with his character just as much as his athletic ability. Prescott’s team loss to the Green Bay Packers yesterday in his first playoff game. He played a great game and came just 3 points shy of moving on to the next round of the playoffs. What’s more impressive is a video of Prescott on the sideline during a regular season game. Prescott was sitting on the bench when he tried to throw his empty cup into the trash and missed. Once he realized he missed, he picked the cup off the ground and threw it into the trash. He didn’t wait for a trainer or someone else to pick up his trash. He decided that the right thing to do was to pick up his own trash and properly dispose of it. The incident happened so quickly that I doubt he had time to consider who was and wasn’t watching him. His action was a result of a good habit of doing the right thing.
One sports writer asked whether or not Prescott’s actions were “just a small and subtle action to take into consideration.” I’m not sure if the writer was trying to be sarcastic or not, but Prescott’s actions were small and subtle and that’s all that’s needed to make a lasting difference. Both good and bad habits are developed over time from small subtle actions. Perhaps it’s time we all pay a little more attention to the small subtle actions we engage in on a daily basis. After all, it’s the little things that we do daily that create the big things that we’ve always dreamed about. Doing the right thing today will put you in the right place tomorrow. Therefore, “It’s always the right time to do the right thing.”
Take a moment and think back to your childhood and try to remember all the times you got into trouble. I’m sure most of you can think of quite a few things you did that made your parents pretty upset with you. You undoubtedly got placed on a pretty severe punishment a time or two. However, there must have also been some times when your parent’s did punish you as hard as you might have thought they would or the punishment didn’t last for as long as you thought it would. Those were the days when you thought to yourself, “I got let off the hook.”
Nobody likes getting into trouble and when we do were excited the moment our punishment is lifted. The person who is in trouble typically never thinks that their punishment is too long. He or she almost always feels that the punishment was either too severe or just right. It’s usually the people on the outside looking in who believe that the punishment didn’t fit the crime. For some reason it’s easier to consider a punishment too lenient when you’re not the one who’s being punished. It’s not so much that people enjoy seeing other people punished as much as it is people trying to determine if the punishment actually taught the wrongdoer a lesson.
There is no surefire way to immediately tell if the punishment imposed caused the wrongdoer to change their behavior. In all actuality it’s not really the punishment that caused true change. True long-lasting change only comes from changed thinking and changed thinking only comes from learning something new. Our thoughts lead to actions and our actions lead to our results. Therefore, we must teach someone something new if we have hopes of changing their thoughts which will inevitably change their actions and bring different results. Thus, it’s not so much a matter of if someone has been let off the hook, but it’s whether or not someone has learned enough to change.
Media and countless other people are however asking that exact question of University of Duke basketball coach Mike Krzyzewski. Coach Krzyzewski suspended basketball player Grayson Allen for one game after he seemingly tripped another basketball player during a game. This incident however wasn’t the first time Allen has been accused of purposely tripping another player during competition. The aforementioned incident is in fact the third time Allen has been accused of such behavior. Initially, Coach Krzyzewski said that Allen’s suspension was indefinite but it turned out to be a one game suspension. There’s still debate on whether or not the bigger issue is that Allen was suspended for only one game or that Coach Krzyzewski’s interpretation of indefinite turned out to be a one game suspension. I however have heard very little debate over whether or not Allen has learned his lesson.
The punishment after all is not the most important thing. The most important thing is that the person who is in the wrong learns their lesson. There are numerous ways you can teach a person a lesson, but there’s only one way to determine if they’ve learned; you determine if they’ve learned by watching their behavior going forward. Time will tell. I teach my children, athletes’ and the people I life coach that time will either elevate you or expose you. You can hide your thoughts for only so long before they turn into action and the entire world sees you character. I can’t speak to Allen’s character, but it’s my hope that he has both learned and grown from his recent behavior. We all make mistakes and it’s not our mistakes that define us. It’s the measure of growth that comes from our mistakes that defines us.
I know I got into my share of trouble when I played football in college and I for one can admitt that I didn’t learn the first or the second time got into trouble. I trully toed the line in terms of doing the right and wrong thing. I liked living on the edge and I kept doing it until I felt like I would get caught. Even then there was a time when I believed that I wouldn’t get caught a second time or that the punishment wouldn’t trully affect me. My change didn’t occur until I learned new information that taught me a better way to play and live. It’s important that we take the time to teach our athletes while they’re young that there are consequneces for their actions and that there’s a better way than the wrong way.
I’m a big fan of Chris Paul of the Los Angeles Clippers. I’m not so much a fan of his because of his athletic ability as much as I am a fan of his balance. Paul is a very emotional basketball player and he plays with a lot of passion on the court. I’ve even seen him lose his temper a time or two during heated competition. I however have never seen him go over the line and do something to harm another player. He plays with a high level of passion, but it’s controlled passion. It’s important that we teach our young athletes’ how to play with controlled passion.
Many of us witnessed the cyber bullying that Gabby Douglas endured during the Summer Olympics, and the negative remarks regarding her behavior. I can only imagine her having to handle that while competing and giving her all for herself and her teammates. It takes a disciplined mind and body to push through and deliver. Gabby had a mission and job that she took seriously, which allowed her to perform under conditions she should not have had to.
Gabby would return to her room and cry over the pain she felt. She had every right to complain and respond in a negative way, but she did just the opposite. She showed grace and determination. Gabby has taken this unfortunate situation and turned it into a very positive one, by dedicating herself to helping others not fall victim to bullies.
Gabby Douglas now has another title, as Hack Harassment’s first Change Ambassador. She states that she is very excited about this opportunity and said that she hopes to be able to relate to people that have been bullied. In the mist of all the bullying Gabby kept a lot of the pain inside, but now understands that she needs to release it.
During the Olympics, Gabby says she was changing, thinking that maybe if she smiled more, or talked when everyone else did, she would appease the bullies, not knowing that you can never please a bully, because it is not about you it is about them. Only later did Gabby realize that she was changing and not being true to herself.
This 21 year old young lady of character is excited about the work she is doing. She is now committed to helping others, letting them know that they are not alone. There are so many people who suffer from bullying and don’t reach out for help because they think they’re by themselves or that nobody cares. Unfortunately, it’s not until after they have suffered bullying for a long period of time before they actually reach out. Hindsight has always been said to be 20/20. It’s a lot easier to look back at what you went through after you’ve already suffered and attempt to learn from it.
It’s great that Gabby decided to take her pain and use it to be a blessing to others.
Take a moment and think about everything you’ve been through and what you have learned from it. Is there anything that you’ve learned that you can use to be a blessing to other people? Now, I know some of you may be thinking that you can’t help because you haven’t totally overcome some of the pain you experienced in the past. Please don’t wait until you feel like you’ve overcome the pain of the past, because you might never start helping if you continue to wait. People actually learn to overcome their pain while they’re helping others.
We’ve all been through a tough time or two and some of us go through tough times quite frequently. Tough times are a part of life and it’s the tough times that make us stronger. You become stronger by growing through the tough times and not just getting through it. Far too many people focus on trying to survive life’s ups and downs instead of focusing on learning how to thrive. There’s a lesson in every difficult situation and the lesson learned goes a long way in helping you develop into a better person. We all talk about wanting to become better, but we typically don’t want to go through the pain of the growth process. Everybody is at a different stage in their growth process and we must learn to respect their stage of development.
Have you ever seen someone in a development stage that you have recently graduated from? Maybe, you’ve come across someone who’s at a stage in their development that you overcame many years ago. Whichever the case, it’s a very humbly experience. It’s very difficult to walk in someone’s shoes you’ve never been in before, but it’s a lot easier to put on shoes that you use to wear. It takes you back down memory lane and allows you to have a special level of empathy that most others can’t. Empathy sometimes leads to sympathy which often causes people to take action.
Los Angeles Rams defensive end Robert Quinn was moved to action when he learned of a mother’s troubles that took him down memory lane. Quinn heard about a homeless single mother named Rebecca Carter with six children who were taken from here because she couldn’t sustain a residence. Carter suffered from mental health challenges mostly due to sexual assault in her past. Carter eventually had to enroll in LA Family Housing which is an organization that helps people transition from homelessness to permanent housing. In was while Carter was in LA Family Housing that Quinn learned of her troubles. Quinn and teammate Tavon Austin decided to take action.
Austin said he grew up in a house with six people and knows how it feels to struggle. He stated that it put the drive in him to get to where he is today and he hopes that one of Carter’s little boys will acquire the same drive to help their mother. Rams defensive end Robert Quinn said, “Once they told me the full story and what she was going through and how young the kids were, I just kind of took a step back and kind of put myself in their shoes. . . I think it just starts with one person, one soul, one spirit. It starts there.”
Last Wednesday, Rebecca Carter and her children walked into a fully furnished apartment and saw every single item on a wish list she had previously filled out. Every room in the apartment had everything they needed and then some. There was also a Christmas tree in the apartment with plenty of presents underneath it. The kids received clothes, school supplies, bicycles, toys, gaming systems and much more. Carter also received items to help her prepare to go back to school for cosmetology.
Rebecca Carter had slept on buses, benches and in parks before she was taken in by the LA Family Housing Program. Last Wednesday marked the first time Carter slept under the same roof with all six of her children. Her nightmare had ended thanks to the LA Family Housing Program and two athletes’ who took a step back to see what it would be like to walk in someone else’s shoes. When was the last time you were moved to action? When was the last time you ended someone’s nightmare? It doesn’t take an abundance of money; it takes action.
Everyone is born with a certain level of athletic ability. There are however some who have never played sports and never truly realized their level of athletic ability. I fell in love with sports at a very young age and was very fortunate to be born with a considerable amount of athletic ability. I started playing football when I was 6yrs old and excelled from the very beginning. I played a variety of sports, but football was the sport that I fell in love with. I excelled at football early on because I was naturally more aggressive than the other kids and I was typically faster than most of them. I continued to excel in football as I got older, but it got harder and harder as the level of competition increased.
I can still remember the countless kids who were considered sure locks to be superstars in high school and college. There were even some kids I remember parents saying that they were sure would make it in professional sports. However, as time passed and those kids moved up to higher levels of competition they started to blend in with the rest. At the time I couldn’t pinpoint why. Was it because they were getting slower? Could it have been that the other kids were getting faster and bigger? Maybe it was all of these things or maybe some kids found the advantage.
I read an article on Kobe Bryant recently and it really shed light on the advantage that the great athletes tap into that so many other overlook. Make no mistake about it; Kobe Bryant is a great athlete. However, he didn’t become one of the greatest basketball players of all time simply because he was a great athlete. There are millions of great athletes in the world and most we’ve probably never heard of because they never made it. What separates Kobe Bryant, Walter Payton, Tiger Woods, Michael Jordan and so many other all-time greats is The Advantage.
The article I was reading about Kobe Bryant described a time when Bryant decided to work out at 4 a.m. and spend 7hrs hours in the gym before practice with the USA Basketball team. Take a moment and let that settle in. The trainer said that Bryant called him at 4:15 a.m. and asked him if he could come help him with some conditioning work. When the trainer arrived at the basketball facility, Bryant was already drenched in sweat. They did some conditioning work and then did strength training exercises in the weight room for 45 minutes. The trainer then went back to the hotel and Bryant went back on the court to continue shooting baskets. The trainer arrived back at the basketball facility at 11 a.m. for Team USA official basketball practice and noticed Bryant shooting jumpers by himself on the side of the gym. The trainer asked Bryant, “What time did you leave the facility?” Bryant responded, “Oh, just now. I wanted 800 makes so yeah, just now.”
That ladies and gentleman is what I call The Advantage. Some people may say that Bryant was an extremist and he might have been. However, you can’t argue with his results. I’m not telling you to be an extremist, but do believe that a great work-ethic is what will give you the advantage over your competition. Talent alone can only take you so far and for some it’s little league sports. For others it might be high school or college. You will not however reach your full potential without a great work-ethic. It is your work-ethic that will give you the advantage in every aspect of your life.
Almost every parent I know has expectations for their children and most children try to live up to those expectations. It’s good to have expectations because it gives us a mark to shoot for. People often fail because they don’t have goals or a set of expectations to strive towards. It’s very difficult for a person to reach their full potential if they don’t have something to strive for.
I have decided to set the expectations high for my three boys because I’m a firm believer that people often fall short of expectations. Don’t get me wrong, my hope is that they will exceed my expectations. However, if they fall short I know they’ll be in the company of greatness because I set the bar so high. Unfortunately, I think our society has gotten into the habit of celebrating mediocrity and therefore the bar has been set low so it’s easier to obtain. We rob our children of developing into their full potential when we give them average level expectations. It is always beneficial for parents and/or mentors to set high expectations, but we must protect our children from the sometimes unrealistic expectations of society.
Athletes’ like Robert Griffin III (RG3) and LeBron James are great examples of having to live under perhaps unrealistic expectations from society. RG3 is a professional football player for the Cleveland Browns and he was drafted to play quarterback by the Washington Redskins in the 2012 NFL Draft. He was the second overall draft pick. RG3 came into the NFL with high expectations placed on him from himself and the media. He won the Heisman Trophy in 2011 and was expected to immediately revive the Washington Redskins football team. RG3 actually did have a very successful rookie year. He set records for the highest passer rating and highest touchdown to interception ratio by a rookie quarterback on his way to leading the Redskins to their first playoff appearance in five seasons. He won the 2012 NFL Offensive Rookie of the Year award and was named to the 2013 NFL Pro Bowl. It was a successful season to say the least. However, things soon took a turn for the worse.
In RG3’s second year with the Redskins, he suffered a concussion during the preseason and was replaced by Kirk Cousins and remained on the bench for the rest of the year. RG3 was released by the Washington Redskins soon after. RG3 now plays for the Cleveland Browns, but it hasn’t gotten much better since he left Washington. He has been plagued by injuries since his rookie year and has not been able to return to his old form. Many naysayers have stated that he will never be a consistent starter in the NFL again and some have even stated that they believe his pro football career is over. However, every time he steps on the field there’s a group of fans who hold their breath wondering if RG3 will recapture the magic we all grew to love.
RG3 has been in the spotlight for a very long time and society has placed expectations on him that most of us wouldn’t be able to live with for even a day. I always tell my athletes’ that sports is more mental than it is physical and you have to be mentally strong to be successful. Some might not consider RG3 a successful athlete, but I do. He continues to fight back injury after injury when most would have given up a long time ago. The expectations for him are high and perhaps it’s become a burden on him. He however continues to standup and fight despite the high burden of proof that he’s tasked with displaying every time he steps on the football field.
“Character is higher than intellect… A great soul will be stronger to live, as well as to think” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
Over the Thanksgiving holiday, my mom took my nephew to visit with her sister and her granddaughter, which happens to be the same age as my nephew. The two of them do not get to see each other often, because they live in different states. They had a great time playing together and made their bond stronger.
It is a known fact that there are huge benefits to playing and reading to and with your child.
You will be able to tap into their feelings that they express and act out, so you can help them with the words for those feelings.
Reading with and to your child is one of the most intimate forms of communicating with them and helping to give them the tools needed for understanding and verbalizing their feelings and how to interact with others.
In our current age of technology we can communicate and function without human contact, which is great as long as we have a balance. The games and toys that our children play are often electronic, which leaves no room for imagination and physical exercise.
I have had texting conversations with people, only to have one of us totally get the wrong meaning of what was text. So I have to know when a phone call is needed and when a text message is sufficient. Because communication skills are of great importance to the building block of our children’s character, we need to take the time to let our children that are using cell phones, with a phone call is appropriate and when it is alright to text.
Through playing, reading, listening talking and other forms of interacting with our children we are building children of character, to become adults of character. It’s important that we do not allow this technology age to cause our children to lose the importance of communication. Many of the problems that our Country faces on a daily basis are due to miscommunication or the lack of any communication at all. I believe in being progressive, but not at the expense of good communication.
If you were to ask five of your closes friends why they haven’t achieved their dreams, there’s a good chance they would come up with at least two or three excuses for why they haven’t and none of their excuses would be the real reason. It’s actually pretty common for people to make excuses for why they didn’t do what they said they were going to do. However, there is so much more we could accomplish if we strived to overcome the obstacles in our path instead of submitting to them.
Evans Wilson is one person that decided not to allow an obstacle to be his excuse, but to use it as an opportunity for advancement. Wilson is a 62yr old man who has been living with terminal lung disease for five years and has been told that the median survival times is about three years. Wilson has been doing more than surviving; he’s been thriving. He recently competed in a Seattle Marathon in which he walked the entire 26.2-mile race with his oxygen tank in hand. Wilson is a former competitive runner, but stated that he didn’t complete the marathon for competition sake or for fun. He completed the race in an effort to raise $50,000 for the Pulmonary Fibrosis Foundation. His doctors even advised him not to compete in the race, but Wilson did it anyway. He devoted himself to something bigger than him and every step he took during the 11 hour race was a step towards solidifying the fact that we can overcome our obstacles.
What’s really stopping you? Of course it’s easier to make an excuse and take the easy way out, but anybody can do that Why not devote yourself to something bigger than you? We can’t make a difference in this world until we truly devote ourselves to something bigger than us. We don’t take anything with us when we die; we leave something behind. I’d rather leave behind a legacy than just material things. What about you? Leaving a legacy is no easy task. As a matter of fact, it’s probably one of the most difficult things to do. You must get comfortable with being uncomfortable when you devote yourself to something bigger than you. It’s not a one-time thing. It takes consistent effort and determination.
Wilson’s marathon wasn’t over in 10 sec or 1 hour. It took him 11hrs to complete his race. Life too is a marathon. We must stop viewing our goals and dreams as sprints and see them for what they are; marathons. I’m sure that there was an occasion or two during the marathon that Wilson became uncomfortable and perhaps his body told him to stop. Wilson however continued along the journey to completing what he started. At some point during the marathon he became comfortable being uncomfortable and that’s why he was able to finish the race.
I’m not asking you to go out and finish a marathon. I’m asking you to finish what you started. Imagine where you would be in your life right now if you finished half of the things you started. Starting something is not the victory. Merely starting something is the average standard. We must learn to finish what we start because nothing changes if nothing’s finished. No-one forced your goals on you. You picked your goals and it’s your job to press through until you accomplish what you set out to accomplish. Don’t set small goals. Set big goals and finish them with determination, dedication, desire and discipline. What’s really stopping you . . . You. Get out of your own way and finish your race today.
I have often heard successful people say that you have to sacrifice a lot in order to be massively successful and I agree. However, I think that we have to be careful when making such a blanket statement because there are some things you shouldn’t have to sacrifice in order to be successful. One of the main things I think you should have to sacrifice in order to be successful, is your family. Don’t get me wrong, there will come days and sometimes weeks when you won’t see your family as much as you would like, but there still has to be a balance. If you focus on your career and not on your family there may come a time when you lose your career and you don’t have your family there to support you. It’s important to learn how to balance your career and family.
Candace Parker plays professional basketball for the Los Angeles Sparks in the W.N.B.A. and she learned how to balance her career and family. She is one of the most widely recognized women’s basketball players of all time. She became the face of the W.N.B.A. her rookie year while on her way to being named the MVP of the league in 2008.
In 2009, she missed the first eight games of the W.N.B.A. season after she gave birth to her daughter, Lailaa Nicole Williams. She did get some backlash from people because there were so many people depending on her to be the face of the league. Parker took the criticism in stride. She said that she spent her entire life trying to please people playing basketball and that it was time to please herself. Parker has always said that she keeps family first in her life. She did miss the first eight games of the season, but she came back to play the same year after having her baby and was named to the All-WNBA second team and All-Defensive second team. Parker also went on to lead the WNBA in rebounding. The WNBA Commissioner Donna Orender said that Parker is the example of how someone can have a family and career balance.
It’s imperative that we teach our athletes’ at a young age the importance of finding balance in everything they do. It will be much easier to teach them to balance schoolwork, sports and family now because they don’t have the same pressures and responsibilities those professional athletes’ and other adults have. We also need to be careful not to overlook the importance of building up our young ladies self-esteem and confidence to do what they believe instead of what others say they should do. There’s far too many female athletes’ living in a box that society created for them. Raise them to think outside the box so they’ll never settle for living inside the box.